One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
