So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
