I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
