He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize