I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
