So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
