There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
