Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
