my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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