We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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