I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize