Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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