It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
