I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
