I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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