just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
