First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
