I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
