Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
