I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I came so hard my ears popped.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
