Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
