I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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