and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
