eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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