dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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