Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
