im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
