Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
