Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
