the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
