I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
