remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the day after is always just damage control
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
