I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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