Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
