Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
