This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
