She is in my trunk
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
