I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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