he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
