If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
