hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
