we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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