How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
