last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
