You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
