So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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