He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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