This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
