So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
