I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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