when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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