my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
