I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
