her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Randomize
