Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
