he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
