Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i came on her dog
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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