so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
