Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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