So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
