Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
