sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
