so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
