she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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