i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
