At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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