i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
