ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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