Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
